I'm actually growing tired. I feel my brain rotting, slowing down. I hear the Wicked Witch of the West in her screeching voice screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeelllttting...". I need the Nintendo DS just to have that game where it keeps your brain alert.. I have hopes of going back to school. But I also have hopes of another future. A house. A family. Being happy. The latter hope dominates only because I want that more. There will be jobs, (unless China takes them all, I better learn cantonese quick!) and there will be a future, good or bad.
I've thought about returning to the Options Exchange. At least going back as a 2nd job. I remember those days, and I think about them on a recurring basis. I remember the people, good and bad, I remember how much fun it was.... Just to be a runner. I watch CNBC with a sweet reminisce about how I loved to monitor the S&P even if it was just a 1/4 point. I would check my stock every 5 minutes and study the giant book I had on options...
So many thoughts in my head gather towards the end of a year. I'm looking forward to this new years, since I really haven't had a decent one ever. (I've even slept through a couple.) I'm looking forward to kissing my Joey at midnight in the middle of the Marriott ballroom in my pretty black dress. His kiss has so much emotion, especially coming from one who isn't very verbally emotional at all. That's ok. I love to feel emotion instead. I love to close my eyes and pretend we're on Pont Neuf in Paris, a foggy, drifty, lonesome early morning, before the sun rises and burns the fog off the world's most romantic city. Perhaps we're in London, overlooking the Thames river, wearing raincoats for good measure, and the city is in black and white. His blue eyes have turned to light clear grey, mine are a muddied grey/black, in this 1940's drama. The war is coming, and I see the RAF fighter planes overhead. We return home, and turn on the radio for our favourite drama, instead we hear news of another German U-boat has been sunk by our British Navy, we smile, but are wary, since we do not want war. I do not want him to leave, but Her Majesty calls him.
I love to pretend.
Happy New Year to all.
posted by Dani V @ 12/29/2006 05:49:00 AM
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